Theres a certain level of courage and self-confidence involved to be able to embrace your cringe and put yourself out there. I've enjoyed reading a friend’s blog and another friend’s podcast lately just sharing their stories and thought, I might as well write. I marvel at these people who have a fine way with words. Now, I'm far from considering myself a creative writer but I would love to articulate sharing my truths and stories through words maybe with some pictures even.
Since high school, I had made it a habit of writing my thoughts and feelings and documenting whatever is happening in my life that I'd like to make sense of even if they're just short sentences or bouts of word vomit. But they were purely for myself with the main purpose of unloading it from my brain. Whenever I have a tough time, I write. When I have epiphanies, I grab the closest thing I could take note on (nowadays, usually my phone). When I want to remember, I write. But I want to start unpacking these thoughts in more concise forms that's hopefully relatable. I’ve never realized this until now but I’ve underestimated my writing for the longest time even though it’s the most constant thing I’ve done. I even took writing a little too literally at some point and studied calligraphy.
I do occasionally love to be profound but I also cringe at the thought of coming off as self-righteous or pretentious, in which I realize is a level of humility that is self-depracating, I know. And thus, I've stopped sensationalizing life but that brought me to a path without feeling much or having little to no opinion about anything. For a while, I've felt I lost touch with my creative self, the one who's always creating just for the heck of it. The one appreciative of the little beauties instead of grandeur. I've lost enthusiasm about things I used to be so passionate about because let's be honest, it's tiring to care about the world around you and more-so ourselves. Cynicism has caught up on me. I thought that's pretty bleak. But these days, I've been rediscovering my love for drawing as well as reading and being more intentional with what I do.
Welcome to my internal monologues.